Paper Talk: Modric, Rooney, Reds spree

Paper Talk ... the best football yarns and videos doing the rounds. Source:AAP

Welcome to Paper Talk - a wrap of the best yarns and videos doing the rounds.

Last week it was third division Turkey that entertained us, now the weird and wacky world of football takes us to Africa, the Middle East as well as Europe this week. From wandering weasels to taking the crossbar challenge a little too literally, it's all here, intertwined with a wrap of what's got people talking over their beers and coffees across the continent. 

ROOOONEY

This time last week we were speculating whether Wayne Rooney was on his way out of Old Trafford after his Champions League omission. Plenty of people thought it was scuttlebutt and cheap speculation.

Even Fergie came out to declare: "he will be here next year, you have my word on that. There are no issues at all with the player. He’ll  be involved on Sunday (against  Chelsea in the FA Cup quarter-final), no doubt about that". 

That’s that then. 

Um ….   

Fergie's declaration was music to the ears of the English press this week, who dusted up the archives to remind us we can't always trust the Old Trafford boss.

When asked if he would sell David Beckham after leaving him out of a UCL tie in 2003, Fergie pronounced: "It is totally out of the question. There is no way we would sell him, or any of our best players."

He was gone in July.

What about in the case of Ruud van Nistelrooy, after he was left out of the 2006 Carling Cup final? 

"He’s a member of our squad, no question. He’s on a long contract and we’re very happy with that situation. He has been patient and he’s never complained."

Gone in the summer.

Sky Sports' Jeff Stelling mused: "If Rooney is on his way out of Old Trafford,  there will be plenty of takers. Don't believe for a minute that Manchester City aren't interested. They may say that, but they would, wouldn't they?

"They were interested before, in 2010, when it looked as though Rooney was on his way out and I've no doubt they're interested again. Why wouldn't they be?"

For those of you already tired of the Rooney rumanating, skip to the next sub-head!

The Daily Star has Monaco readying to prepare an audacious bid for the Englishman, while The Daily Mirror thinks an unsettled Zlatan Ibrahimovic will depart Paris Saint Germain, disillusioned with life in the French capital, opening the doors for David Beckham's boys to swoop.

If Ibra is looking for another destination, he’ll be happy to hear that Juventus director Pavel Nedved claims the club would be interested in signing him and Edinson Cavani. 

NANI, EAT YOUR HEART OUT

If his was a high foot, what the hell is this? 

SPEAKING OF BECKHAM ...

The scorer of the goal in this dusty vision from South Africa might just have something to say about Becks remaining the prince of the long-range speculator! Enjoy! 

BEST OF THE RUMOUR MILL:

Modric: 27-year-old Luka Modric broke Manchester United's hearts last week, but The Daily Mail reports he still yearns for a move that fell through two years ago.

When Paul Scholes initially retired, Sir Alex Ferguson made Tottenham's Modric his No.1 target. 

Nothing eventuated, and Modric left White Hart Lane for Real in a £33million deal.

But with the likes of Giggs and Scholes now closer to retirement than ever before, Modric has returned to the radar as he looks for regular time on the pitch - which he isn't getting at Madrid. 

Torres: Anzhi Makhachkala have failed to try and persuade Fernando Torres to leave Chelsea for Russia in the summer, The Daily Mail reports. 

Valdes: The agent of Barcelona goalkeeper Victor Valdes has denied reports linking the Spanish international with a move to Brazilian side Sao Paulo. He has also been linked with Arsenal - Sky Sports. 

Neymar: Neymar has revealed that Santos have offered him a new contract in a bid to ward off interest in him from Europe. "Santos have now offered us a deal for him to renew his contract, but we will have to wait and talk to them," Neymar's father and agent explained at the Laureus World Sports Awards in Brazil.

NOT A SPECIAL RUN FOR THE SPECIAL ONE

The world was in raptures over last week's Old Trafford showdown. Not so Jose. 

"Yes it was a good week with three good wins but I’ve had bigger, better wins," he told The Sun. 

"The best run of all was winning the three matches to claim the three titles with Inter Milan.

"First we won the Italian Cup beating Roma in the final.

"Then we went to Siena where we won to become Italian champions. Finally we had the Champions League final in Madrid and we won it with a victory over Bayern Munich.

"Now that is what I call a special run."

WHILE WE’RE TALKING ABOUT POTENTIAL FUTURE MANCHESTER UNITED MANAGERS …

Ole Gunner Solskjaer, making his name in management with back-to-back premierships with Molde in Norway, harbours dreams of replacing Sir Alex. But he thinks one of his old mates might beat him to it. 

"Giggsy is going to play another year (but) I'd say he's got his eyes and ears open more to what the manager is doing," Solskjaer told Reuters. "He's looking at that job for himself, Giggsy. He's got top potential."

 "I've said it before that my dream is to manage Man United - that's tongue in cheek really, because it's a massive job, it's the biggest job in the world," Solskjaer said.

"But you have to dream big - if you don't dream big you won't make it, so let's just wait and see what happens." 

DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME

They won't be using this as the promo for the 24-team Dream Football League that they are trying to set up in the Middle East by pinching the likes of Manchester United, Bayern Munich and AC Milan away from the UEFA Champions League. 

LIVERPOOL SET FOR SUMMER SPENDING SPREE 

Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers has revealed the club could bring in"three or four quality players" in the summer.

The Reds have been linked with several targets from across Europe, including Swansea centre-back Ashley Williams, PSG forward Jeremy Menez and Feyenoord defender Stefan de Vrij.

The manager says he is hoping to make some new acquisitions, particularly with veteran defender Jamie Carragher set to retire in the summer.

He told the club's official website: "There is a natural rebuilding with the likes of Carra going.

"I am happy with the squad and if I can then put another three or four quality players to it, then great. But it is quality we are after, not quantity."

Rodgers is pleased by the impact Phillipe Coutinho and Daniel Sturridge are having at the club since arriving in January.

The manager added: "We see Coutinho and Sturridge's quality.

"There were some key positions we needed support in but I didn't want to waste the club's money. I like to know what we are bringing in."

- Sky Sports

REMEMBER DJIMI TRAORE? 

The former Liverpool defender? Scorer of infamous FA Cup own goal in 2005? Bet you don't remember him doing this. Ridiculous.

GOOD ONE, RAFA

It's been a funny old couple of weeks for Rafa Benitez at Chelsea. The Londoners must overturn a 1-0 first-leg deficit if they are to overcome Steaua and reach the last eight of the Europa League - and if they do, they'll face six games in 15 days.

Before any excuses are made, Rafa has apportioned the blame - to himself! Great smokescreen. 

"I can do nothing about that. I just concentrate on my job and try to do my best, preparing the team for every competition," he said.

"Maybe someone else will blame me. Some people always say that it's my fault, that everything is my fault!

"You are clever enough to realise that I was joking. If something is wrong they want to blame me. But I have to manage this, too.

"You have to analyse every single thing and you will decide what to do and still someone will criticise you. If you lose a game, it's 'oh, he picked the wrong player' or whatever.

"It's quite difficult, but each team is different and it depends on the players that you have, the positions and the congestion.

"I will try to lead by example, so I will concentrate on the next game. That is what I have to do, to make sure we compete in every single competition. The first one is on Thursday."

DIDIER'S LAST LAUGH

There will be plenty of fall-out as England fields no teams in the UEFA Champions League quarter-finals. 

The Daily Mirror quipped on Twitter: "Arsenal will be holding an open bus parade to show off their restored pride on Tuesday lunchtime, officials have confirmed".

And what about Didier Drogba. Unwanted by Chelsea after playing a starring role in reaching the crown last year. Now Drogba is in the last eight with Turkish club Galatasaray, while Chelsea cling onto a spot in the Europa League.

BALE REPORT, WEEK 3

Real Madrid are toying with the idea of using Gonzalo Higuain as trade bait in their bid to snare Gareth Bale.

According to The Metro, the La Liga club are preparing a player plus cash bid for the Welsh winger.

TEVEZ TROUBLE

AAP reports that Manchester City striker Carlos Tevez has been charged by police with driving with his licence suspended and without insurance.

The Argentina international, who was arrested last week, was formally charged on Wednesday and will appear at a magistrates court on April 3.

The maximum penalty for driving while disqualified in England is six months in prison. Tevez was banned from driving for six months on January 16 after failing to respond to letters by police in relation to incidents where his car was caught speeding.

However, he was stopped by police while driving on a road near his home last Thursday. Tevez scored a hat trick for City in a 5-0 win over Barnsley in the FA Cup quarter-finals on Saturday, taking his season's tally in all competitions to 15.

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